1994

Eighty-thousand feet
To the surface
Glass encases every way out
My lungs are bloated
Struggling to breathe
Twenty-thousand leagues
Into the darkness
Underneath me

Where is the air?
It escapes my every inhale
Yet I float about this distant world
Right out my backdoor
Why haven't the sharks come?
Fins cutting towards me
Teeth shattering in my bones
This will be my end

Surely, surely
The waves will wallow over me
Drowning, drowning
Indefinitely
Lonely sea creatures
Softly gliding by
I reach out my hand
They never take me with them

It's quiet.

1993

Seven
The numbers I count
In the darkness
Three from your clock
Four from mine
It's twelve fifty-nine
From my side
It's way past our bedtime

From our beds
Through tonight
To harrowed hums
Florescent lights
We glide again
On and on
In our socks
Without our shoes

We're so quiet
Not a stir
Raising no alarm
For any intruder
The basement is soft
I can feel it breathing
Hush now, boy
A ghost is approaching

Down the steps
I see her walking
Not a shriek
Or even haunting
She is silent
Moving slowly
Subtle beauty
A fragile frame

Her hand extends
And points me to bed
I shake my head
"Please, not yet."
She smiles at me
And nods accordingly
So off I huff
Back to the bedroom

I tuck myself in
My sister still sleeping
I swore I just saw her
Up and about-ing
Sliding there with me
Round through the doorways
But not back to bed..
"Go back to sleep,"

She says.
Have I been dreaming?

1992

We have sprouted wings
Flying high over the suburban city
These are our adventures
Our vacation get-aways
We're just trying so hard
Trying to
Get, get, get
Out of our atmos

Fear
As it relates to dreams
Is always about us
While we break all the rules
And recreate the galaxies
It complicates our subversions
Desimates our confidence
With little warning or notice

"I'm afraid we might fall,"
I say, and likewise we did
Back to the Earth below
To the confines of space and gravity
But she is still smiling
Knowing soon we will forget
And come back up
Swinging

My Father

He has a long nose
He lowers His head
And nuzzles my hair
My Father
I smile up at Him
Tears of joy; the rain
I am cooled; Yahweh
He kisses my forehead
His hands at my chest
I feel Him
Dancing deep within
My heart; Emmanuel

1987

Ocean liner
Play mobile
Spinning wheels
This is my nightmare
I slip into the picture
Can't swim
Gasping for air
She blows her horn
Dragging through the sea
Oh me, oh my
I'm being smothered
She screams, I scream
He's pulling me in
Up out of my bed
It's so cold, so dark
But my father's touch is warm
He kisses my forehead
I pant and cough up nothing
Thinking,
"I don't want to die,"
Whatever that means.

1997

The tracks are disconnected
But my cerebellum's still online
The coaster cars are bouncing
Back and forth, up and down
Sweeping, interlocking, ever-growing
The towers seem so high
My eyes behold the infinity
As we glide to and fro

I run through the queue
Back for another run
But suddenly I lose my way
"How do we get back?"
I say, flabbergasted
But all my friends are moving on
They're done with playtime
Getting back into their cars

"Well I don't want to leave,"
I protest, even if I have to pay again
The hills and footpaths seem eternal
A maze of popcorn; funnel cake
The people here are spinning
Everything moving faster than me
I desperately want to get back on
But I cannot find my footing

"Why did I ever get off
In the first place?"

2007

She's yanking on my hand
And begging me to stop
We're almost downtown now
I'm a stranger in a foreign land
Pulling her by the arm
Dragging her heels
I bring her close
Wrap our arms, shoulder to shoulder
But as I draw her in
For a kiss
She disappears before me
I spin around
But she is nowhere to be found
I cry; what a God-awful feeling

A hush in the dissonance
Shrouded by misery, and hate
Every face a mystery
I've done away with innocence
I rush through the crowd
Perhaps she'll be around
Another ugly corner
I haven't seen before
But all I see are shadows
Alleyways both lost and forgot
And as I draw my breath
For a second
I think I've found my way
And just like that, on the other side
The sun illuminates
My escape.

1991

Spin-dizzy spin doctors
The clouds are hovering over now
I step to look outside my window
It's already here
I gather my belongings, but
They're slip, slip, slipping
Through my fingers
I run, but nothing moves
Padlocks break; the door swings open
Storms cover the sky
Swirling like a milkshake
Here comes the flood.

The twister takes me
Easy like a leaf to the wind
I lose control of my body
Being dragged helplessly
Soaring high above the atmosphere
My company is collapsing
The world is folding over
Silence now, so full of black
Darkness; a hush of calm
Eternity never seemed so real
I think, "This time will be different,
This time I won't wake up."

1990

Where am I?
Hiding underneath my bed
Such convenience; such solitude
Dust pervades my nostrils
The rug is soft, yet rugged
My face is overwhelmed
I turn to face the support boards
Crayons spreading rumors
Of a child's simple romance
How can I be sure?
What I wish for here
May come twenty years from now
What I leave behind
Will be passed along to others
"I don't want to forget,"
I say aloud to no one
Where else will I keep my dreams?
My mind will some day wither
But soon so will these beams
I'll just remember for today
"Maybe they'll come true,"
I whisper,
"Sooner than you think."

1989

Lions in their cages
The field opens as I roll over the horizon
Bristles and thistles all about
The path winds down the hill
My bike is locking up again
The stage is set, the carnival commences
I feel relieved to have arrived
For a second I wonder,
"Was this really my destination?"
But I guess this place seems fitting
I wander past the parking lot
The vast expanse behind me
Amusement to my front
I'm going home.

Lions in their cages
The tree swing tied to rope
The house is boarded up
Cars on their last legs
The wind seems so inviting
I peddle on the wisping plain
The grass bends in my wake
And for a second I wonder,
"Is this really where I'm going?
Nowhere?"
The gears are all tied up
Breaks failed long ago
I roll until I stop, and breathe
This awfully feels like home.

1988

This is not protocol
I'm going to heaven, to the Sheot clouds
To destroy the moon and rip the sky in half
And so I say,
"Why will you not look at me?"
A film of water around his eyes,
"I haven't the slightest clue."
But never have I felt his glance on my back
Even as I fly away
To tear apart the universe
And find where the horizon ends
If not to answer the mysterious,
Then prove that all is unknown
"All is not lost,"
I whisper to the hills,
"And you shall weather this storm until my return."
My Lord! My Lord!
I see a Shepherd in the field
As stars begin to fall
He holds his children in His arms
Walls of water strike the shoreline
Where rock and stone fall from my hands
He is there to stay my blows
And the flock is not undone
Might I stop this cruel bombardment
For no one gains from idle sorrow
None but prove Your infinite grace
My Father! My Father!
Forgive this betrayal of my kin!
Call me "child" once again

The Shepherd King

D Dm
Jesus was the Shepherd King x2

A G
He walked out on the silver sea

Jesus was the Shepherd Son x2
On His cross He wore our pain

Jesus is the shepherd's guard x2
He unlocked the gates to splendor

Jesus is the shepherd's love x2
Gave grace free when we proclaim His name

Jesus was the Shepherd King x2
Made a way for us to find the Father

Jesus was the Shepherd Son x2
Cleansed the faces of the weary wicked

Jesus is the shepherd's guard x2
Held us deep inside His loving arms

Jesus is the shepherd's love x2
A kiss of breath that washed us white as snow

The First Day of Spring

Like leaves in the glossy rain
The everyday noise floating away
Rattle and patter; runs off the roof
Dripping wet, I lean off the porch

The spout presses through the ground
I hold the water in my palm
Watch as the sky restores my vessel
Drop by drop; all is anew

I find my way inside
Soft patting whispers me to sleep
How I long for my bed
But hold fast; the couch is near

What a slumber I may have!
The sounds of thunder lay me down
Mother, may you pass me by
Kneel beside me and touch my face

If you wonder what I'm dreaming
Keep this comfort in your mind
That if you really need me
I'll probably be outside

Our Hiding Place

If you lean down as I stand here
On the water's edge with our shoes off
You know the path by heart and
The perfect place to stop along the way
If everything right in time could freeze
We would know that it was simply meant to be

We rustle in our house like a fortress
Made from twigs and grass; our hiding place
You've made a little nook to lay your
Delicate, yet rustic, city face
And if my chest could be your pillow
Would feelings arise that we have hid somewhere below?

Dreaming out loud at the camera
Reciting every line; we can sing them
The soft side of happiness as the
Earth crept up through your designer jeans
If you promise me it'll be okay
There's no way it could be like this every day

The Power House

As quickly we remember
Which, often soon forgot
Our needs and necessities
Looked over as for not
No one knows
Where the power goes
It goes and goes
Does anyone care where?
Does anybody know?
Still it goes
In, around, above, and out
And even down below
The lights off lamps and music amps
Turns the power slow
A hum
High and low
No one cares from what
It passes by their ears
No one hears it as they grow
No one writes about it in their prose
Still the power goes
And goes
Whistling 'long its merry way
Hissing steam into the sky
Rolling, falling, all day long
Creeping softly through our home
Fuzzy lines to crystal shapes
Even then when it's displaying
It goes, and goes
...and goes.


Wait,
What was I saying?

The Son Will Never Leave Your Side

Maybe you'll find
All the mysteries in time
Maybe the world will turn
Out from its insides

Seems fickle, but fine
'Least now it's my choice
But God I feel empty
Where did this emptiness come from?

The Son will never leave your side
Blood will fall from the martyr
Break the hardest of hearts
Melt the seams of true love
The Son will never leave your side

If I always ask up
Just to see if you'll answer
With tears and heavier breathing
I won't hear when You whisper

Where ever You lead
I surely will crumble
Jesus, I'm blind
Will Your hands steady mine?

The Son will never leave your side
His warmth unmistakable
With a call like the wind
Through the halls of the stable
The Son will never leave your side

I know You'll be with me
To the end of the age

The Boy & the Bay

She makes me smile in quiet places
Over the bay in ardent dawn
May feel birdlike, less like a man
I am an impostor

Where the boathouse bends
Water wakes in silent motion
Going outside, bare feet and sand
Out to kiss the sunlight

I'll be leaving, just in a while
Don't let me mar your intentions
To keep on peacefully, beautifully
Making homes for common men

Oh, your waves are indescribable
You radiate and fill my every vessel
Keep me close to find your warmth
I don't ever want to go

Halfway home I'd never know
All the things hidden deep inside
Down and out, we're still so young
How can I be sure?

Scans 1-5

"See-Through Desk"
Epson Scan
Made to look like the underneath of my desk is see-through. Has a very "I Spy" sort of feel to it. The pencils, sharpie, and scissors are mine, the Lego and spring belong to Adam Rebottaro, the button belongs to someone in the Auxier family, the toy car belongs to my brother, the USB cover and USB to Mouse port belong to my father, and the screw belongs to a resident in Millikan who moved out.




"The Impostor"
Epson Scan
Found some pills, threw them on the scanner. Then I threw in the impostor.



"Morning Prayers"
Epson Scan
The back of a book made to look like wallpaper. The bottle cap, pin, and button are supposed to be wall hangings.



"The Beginning & End"
Epson Scan
My USB drive held in the palm of my hand. I had to keep perfectly still for 2 minutes with my hand on the scanner.



"Static Burn"
Epson Scan
A little bit of playing and trickery goes a long way. I'll never be able to recreate this.

Big Spender

Format less format
Flow less flow
Not so much of this
Row - Row - Row

Growth please growth
Rain less rain
Much of this life is so
Rat - a - tat - tat

Slow please slow
Pain less pain
Wishing this life away
Pat - a - pan - pan

Front less front
Go please go
Hasn't your heart ..?
No - No - No

The Air in May

I imagine that your bosom is warm

Scented as flowers on a wet summer morn'

Yearn as I might, plead as I may

Another sun rises without you today

If only you knew what you were

To me, girl - come around to my window

You flutter through me like dandelions

Finding a cool wind for them to fly on

Your fingers are pliable; light and serene

Caught me off-guard with a beauty unseen

Fought long to ward off this insatiable feeling

Longing to hold you closely; deep within me

Sun goes down to the late evermore

My lamp burns softly as I wait by the door

Come 'round past midnight; burn until dawn

Curl your toes through the dew on the lawn

Crawl up to my face and sing me

Silence, now - I'm going to fall asleep

You whisper to me anyway

"I'll make the sunrise wait today."